to let go {the spiritual journey of Gravity}

 (image credit not mine)

 In all my picky perfectionism, it takes a lot to impress me. I have become incredibly critical of films because of the predictable format and patterns that filmmakers have chosen in our present day. I do try to enjoy movies simply for what they are though and not spend too much unnecessary effort focusing on what I want them to be. Nevertheless, a movie is released every now and then that leaves me in tears and wonder! Gravity was that film for me in 2013.

I never saw the trailers. I hadn't any clue about the plot. All I was told is that Sandra Bullock and George Clooney starred in it. My nose wrinkled in annoyance. I have yet to be impressed by their acting skills or selections of films. But when my dad and sister picked me up last fall to see Gravity together, I thought I'd give it a chance because I was hanging out with family. 

From the opening sequence to the final minutes, my heart sighed! 

This entire film was not only filled with rich symbolism, but it was also a stunning, creative, and heart-throbbing expression of the stages of healing in a human heart and the divine potential locked away in each of us to endure, blossom, and overcome. 

I must declare at the start of this that there are many *spoilers* in this post concerning this film. For those who have yet to view it and want to, do not read any further! If you have not seen this movie, but don't care about reading spoilers, then, please, read on! These are all personally thoughts and reflections on the film and while I am aware that this film was not made with Christian intentions, this is what I read and experienced through the watching of this film. 

In beginning this post, I found it helpful to divide the journey of Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) into four stages of spiritual healing and growth as I analyzed each sequence of the film and the reservoir of meaning held within each passing frame.

Divine Accident - The Wreckage

   We are quietly, almost so ordinary-like, introduced to Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) and Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) on their expedition to service the Hubble Space Telescope. There are others accompanying them on this mission, but they do not follow us on this journey. From her first appearance, one can sense a cloud around Stone; her expression is one of chronic anxiety and weariness and it isn't merely the fact that she is physically and mentally under the stress of space and zero gravity. Focused on the mission at hand, her senses are indifferent to the celestial surroundings. She is rigid and in no mood for savoring her first trip into space. Her entire demeanor is as unresponsive as a closed wall. It is apparent she is merely surviving something. Interestingly enough, her survival skills have yet to be put to the test. 
 Accompanying her is veteran astronaut, Matt Kowalski. Free spirited and good humored, Kowalski is everything Stone is not. One sees the years or maturity in his childlike teasings, relaxed voice, and playfulness. He is intent on enjoying this expedition and has an aura of wonder about him. He is fully connected to his surrounding, admiring the frightening but immaculate design of the heavenly bodies. There is no fear or worry in his voice; he is free to enjoy the present. 
 Our introduction to these two characters is not long, but they are so real, and authentically familiar, that it is no effort to become connected with them as if they truly exist. The turning point for the astronauts comes from an unexpected warning call from Mission Control in Houston that a cloud of space debris is heading their way from a Russian missile strike on an inoperative satellite. It isn't long before the scattered wreckage makes a high-speed appearance and they are all left fumbling for their own lives. There is no time to react or to get themselves within the safety of their shuttle. In one frightening moment, Stone finds herself flying out of control, detached from the shuttle, and hurtled into space with absolutely nothing to take hold of or find security in. She cannot gain control of her own movements. All we can see is her view from her helmet, twirling into the black void, her breath erratic and full of panic, flowing further and further away from the Explorer and all contact with Kowalski and the others.
 Stone finds herself in a physical state of trauma, loss, and terrifying loneliness. The silence of this place is only accompanied by her breathing, which is beginning to slow as she adjusts to the reality that this is the end. One can only imagine the paralyzing shock, but it brings a glorious view of earth's surface and the innumerable stars for her. Amidst the beauty, a sense of sad hopelessness fills the scene as Stone drifts into the unknown.

  This is a startling representation of where we all begin and, many times, where we discover our lives have led us. Although much can be said for the spiritual state of man without Christ at this specific point in the film (dead, lost, without hope), I want to focus on a different journey of death-to-life. I want to address the journey some are called to make when encountered with the crippling, harsh, and despairing realities of life on earth. Even (or should I say, especially) for Christians, this is something we discover as we "walk through the valley of the shadow of death." We know our true Home. We know to Whom we belong. But life on earth can be so raw that there are many moments in which pain feels more true than anything we will ever know. And, so it is sometimes, that we find ourselves lost, empty, and victims of our own sins, the sins of others, or damaging circumstantial events. This is what we can describe as a "Divine Accident, the Wreckage." We learn well "that for those who love God all things work together for good" (Romans 8:28) and "The LORD has made everything for its own purpose" (Proverbs 16:4) and that if no thought can be withheld from Him (Job 42:2) than there is no act or event unknown or unforeseen by Him. Yet, it often is the case that there are innumerable devastating events in human lives that seem to lay waste our soul. They look like accidents. Thoughtless. Stupid. Meaningless. Could have been prevented. We don't want to believe such events are truly happening. But we are left with the everyday wreckage of them, which forces us to relive the painful reality that, that thing did, in fact, just happen to us. There is no full explanation for why it had to occur that way. It just did. It was life happening at high-speed and we didn't have time to catch up to it before it happened. We find ourselves in this painful state with Stone. We have been pierced with an unavoidable trauma and the reality we once knew has burst into so many fragments that we cannot grab a hold onto because every single one has been tossed into the vast and unending void of space. There is no putting it all back together. There is no such thing as fixing a life. This kind of loss or failure could be in anything - relationships, financial, home, marriage, a dream, an investment, a security, self-worth, a physical part of our body, or anything that was life, stability, and foundation to us. It could have been taken by the actions of others. It could have been taken by our own mistakes. Or, it could merely have been ripped from our hands by unknown events and matters that could have or could have not been prevented. Either way, loss is loss and once it has taken place in a life, there is no going back.

This leaves us numb, broken, cold, hollow, empty, lifeless, unaware, thankless, angry, depressed, anxious, rigid, cynical. And it is easy to see one's own self in Ryan Stone. Something has been ripped from us and hurled us into a black void. We had no ability to decide whether or not to have something taken from us, but now that it has, we submit to the loss and let go of the one thing we still have power to hold onto: Life. To choose Life in the midst of Loss is scary place to be because we do not feel capable of making that choice. We believe that even the choice of Life itself has been stolen from us and so we find ourselves, amongst the wreckage, doing the only thing we feel capable of doing: drifting.

Passing Through - The Drift

  At this point in the film, Stone has found herself drifting in a place of dreaded loneliness. But an even more devastating reality than her physical location is that she has already been in a place of deadening isolation long before she took her trip into space. We find this out shortly after a miraculous rescue by Kowalski, who comes to find her and attaches her to himself with a tether, relaying the heavy news of the Explorer's destruction and the people accompanying them. He pulls her along as he navigates his thruster pack in hopes of finding their way to the International Space Station. As they drift slowly to their destination, Kowalski sparks conversation with Stone. Upon his curious promptings, Stone reveals two things. First, there is no Mr. Stone on earth. Although she does not state why, we assume that she was either divorced, never married, or had been in relationships that never worked out. Also, we learn that her name is Ryan due to the fact that her father had wanted a boy, which implies rejection and un-love in her family life. Then, she shares that she had a little girl, who passed away after a sad and seemingly "stupid" accident. Life stopped for Stone at that event. She shares, "I was driving when I got the call, so ever since that's what I do. I drive. All I do is go to work, and when I get home, I just drive." As she is speaking of her loss, the pain that she has numbed for so long becomes apparent as sorrow stretches across her face and the faraway look in her eyes. She only knows living as survival. Loss, grief, and, most likely, a thousand other hurts from her short lifetime has left her stuck. Like the space debris that came crashing through and leaving nothing but devastation in its path, Stone's real life losses have left her shattered into so many tiny pieces that it appears too impossible to think of healing. And, just as she has found herself floating in the vast unknown, no tie nor grounding to hold onto and steady herself, Stone hasn't found someone or something to root herself in. The reflection of her heart in her physical travel through space is immensely sorrowful. Nevertheless, while accompanied by Kowalski, a sad sort of acceptance comes through in her voice when he asks her what she likes about space. She softly answers, "The silence." Just as she has embraced living in isolation with her hurts, she also finds herself accepting the physical silence of floating above earth's surface with no direction or effort.

  This is where humanity finds itself in loss. We feel lost so we accept it. We submit to it. This is how we live life. Yet, in truth, it isn't really living. We're surviving. We're getting through just to get through.

  There are seasons of living like this. It cannot be rushed or manipulated to change. This is a necessary stage proceeding loss and preceding healing. It is a stage marked by a deafening silence. Yet, it is also in this stage that we lazily submit to realities about God, ourselves, and others that are damaging and untrue. This place is actually a battle ground and we don't even realize it. It's the place where we can discover the mysterious and grand character of our kind, compassionate, patience, enduring Father who views us as truly desirable, significant, and worth-it-all even as we appear a desolate waste. It's the place where we can discover that broken is a path to a glory that we would have otherwise never known. It's the place where we stop comparing ourselves to others, thinking ill or wrongly about others, and begin to see the value locked away inside of others and ourselves in the midst of the filth of our sins and weakness. It's the place where we see that loss is part of the journey to become the true selves that our Creator designed for us to become. People who are free to love and be loved, free to live without fear, free to give grace and receive grace, free to do, to be, speak, and infuse goodness into the ordinary days of our broken lives because of the Source (Jesus Christ) who gifts us this grand opportunity to be a part of His creating Beauty, Glory, and Love out of complete filth. 
 But we must see this place as a necessary part of the beauty to come and no longer surrender to the lies that all has been in vain, without meaning, without value, without purpose, without love. It's a conscious choice to be made for believing that always and forever we have been loved and adored by our Father and that the "accidents" are merely fragments of a divine mosaic that will grant us ever-lasting Joy.

  Stone doesn't realize it, but she begins to be pushed out of this drifting stage when she and Kowalski, who has on his last push of air in his thruster pack, happen upon the impaired, but still operational ISS. No one is on board and only one of its two spacecrafts are left. Kowalski recommends they board the spacecraft to find the Chinese space station in order to return safely to earth. He uses his last thrust of power in his pack, releasing them towards the ISS. Kowalski shouts to Stone to "Grab something. Grab anything!" as Stone reaches to take hold of any part of the ISS that she happens to fly into. Her hands keep missing a hold and, in this process, her foot becomes caught in one of the spacecraft's parachute cords. She immediately grabs hold of a strap on Kowalski's suit while she is only being held by a delicate cord. Kowalski, unfortunately, missed his chance of taking hold of the ship and, without Stone grabbing a hold of him, would have been sent back into space again. Tragically, at this point, Stone must make a maddening decision. Release her hold on Kowalski or else choose to drift into space with him due to the fact that the cord holding her in place is slowly loosening from her foot. She doesn't want to make the choice. Amazingly, Kowalski has already accepted that he is not returning home. He is patient and beautifully surrendered to this. There is no fear or hesitation in his voice as he gently tells Stone to let him go. But Stone's face is etched in turmoil. She refuses to lose Kowalski. In everything she has been through, Kowalski has been the first person to release her, to show her there is still a reason to continue moving on. His presence is strangely comforting even in his mindless chattering. Because of her stubborn refusal to let go, Kowalski confidently says, "You're going to make it, Ryan." and detaches himself from the tether in which she is holding onto. In this act, she is pulled back to the ISS and must watch her friend solemnly embrace his own death of floating off into space while his oxygen runs out. He radios her instructions and words of strength as he slowly flies out of view. He tells her, "You need to learn to let go."

 A sequence of action begins in which Stone frantically makes her way into the ISS as oxygen leaves her tank, freeing herself from her suit and taking a moment to breath again. With nothing but her undergarments on, she floats in a curled, fetal position inside the ISS, eyes closed, enfolded by the silence. 

The true Stone has yet to be birthed. She is still holding onto the safety of her dark and lonely place. She has yet to experience a full liberation. This was physically symbolized when Kowalski shouted at her to grab hold of something, anything, when they were pushed towards the ISS. She couldn't find her hold on anything because she hadn't chosen to release. The hands of her heart are still full and tight, just like what we see of baby in a mother's womb. Kowalski's last words for her to learn to let go confronts this issue in her heart. 

Moment of Action - The Wrestling

  After encountering a fire in the ISS, climbing into the mini spacecraft, having to get back out and spacewalk to cut the tethers still connecting the spacecraft to the exploding ISS, and needing to escape the flying debris which has then made its second orbit around earth, Stone breaks free in the spacecraft to make her way to the Chinese Space Station. She then discovers that the craft's engine has no more fuel. Adrenaline still racing from another near-death experience, this disappointment begins to create a flurry of anger and panic in her. She attempts to make radio communication with anyone who might be able to help her. The only contact she is able to make is with some foreigner on earth. He doesn't understand her and she doesn't understand him. The viewer can see the unbelief in Stone's eyes. She made it this far only to be unable to move forward. Suddenly, she then hears the barking and howling of dogs through the radio. This sound evokes an intense emotional reaction from her as she begins to weep while mimicking the dog's howl. At this point she is weeping for coming to the end of her life. She realizes she is going to die and confesses aloud that she is still scared. She asks the foreign man to say a prayer for her before it is too late because no ever taught her how to pray. Tears slip from her eyes and then the sound of a baby's cry floats through the radio and the soft gentle cooing of the man calming the baby. She is comforted by the sound of the baby and softly encourages the man to continue singing the lullaby to his child. At this point, she has resigned to death and shuts down the oxygen supply. As she slips in between a state of dreaming and losing consciousness, Kowalski seems to enter the capsule and begins taking up conversation with her like nothing ever happened. This imagined-Kowalski begins to scold her lovingly, 
  "I get it, it's nice up here. You could just shut down all the systems, turn down all the lights, just close your eyes and tune out everyone. There's nobody up here that can hurt you. It's safe. What's the point of going on? What's the point of living? Your kid died, it doesn't get any rougher than that. It's still a matter of what you do now. If you decide to go then you just gotta get on with it. Sit back, enjoy the ride, you gotta plant both your feet on the ground and start living life. Hey, Ryan, it's time to go home."
 Before she returns to consciousness, Kowalski instructs her to rig the landing rockets to propel the shuttle towards the Chinese Space Station. Awake and in a flurry of strength, focus, and resolve, Stone begins prepares the landing rockets and launches the shuttle forward.

In almost an instant, she has made the decision to release the past, the hurt, the loss. It is almost like we see an instinctual drive kick in her and she begins fighting, pushing, and moving for Life. Her confessed fears of not getting to truly live was evident in her tears. In the moment when she is confronted with losing her own self, she realizes that she does yearn to live again. There is determination and value and a security driving her now.

There comes a moment of action in all of our lives. Sometimes, it appears more as scattered moments in which decisions or initiative must be made. Other times, it is something occurring all in one instance. It is a kind of wrestling and striving, not always so much physical as it is internal. It is the decisive question laid before us all:

 Am I worth it? Is this life, my life, worth living, investing in, and fighting for? 

The answer does not come from self-love, self-worth, or security in one's self or others. Those aren't stable. They do not and cannot hold or sustain. What is needed is a sovereign, total, eternal view that I, one miniscule out of a billion, am pursued, loved, valued, wanted! That is security. That brings rest to a soul. That delivers renewal unlike anything else. That makes this life, this seemingly accident-prone frustrating life, worth living in order that I might know, get to experience, taste, see, search out, and be a tremendously desired loved one through it all. This is the heart of God the Father through His Son Jesus Christ. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrew 12:1-2

The Greek word for "lay aside" means to put off or aside or away, to renounce. 
What is your weight? 
Put it away. Renounce it as defining who you are and where you are going. 
This is not always done easily nor instantaneously. At times, it seems too heavy to lift off our aching selves. But it begins with a small nudge, then a push, a daily renouncement of the heaviness that cripples you. To clarify, this does not mean that grief is something to removed. That, sometimes...most of the time...remains. What can be put aside and renounced is the weight's defining your existence and sole reason for living. In whatever that heaviness stems from (an event, a person, a loss, etc),  it has to go. The sorrow remains, but no longer the power of it.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.Phil 3:12-14

 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. (1 Tim 6:12)

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31

This is when her battles intensifies to the next level! As she approaches the Chinese station, she ejects herself from the shuttle and uses a fire extinguisher to thrust herself towards the station called Tiangong. Some debris knocks the station and it begins quickly deorbiting. She enters the capsule as the station begins to break up on the edge of the atmosphere. The capsule immediately begins to increase in temperature as the capsules soars through the layers of gases surrounding earth.

Birthed Anew - The Awakening

 As Stone is pushing through the final stage of her journey, with no assurance that the capsule is going to make it through earth's atmosphere, she attempts to contact Mission Control, whom she has yet to hear from, and begins talking, hoping that they receive her message. After letting them know her whereabouts, she continues to speak, now to herself, with a strange sort of confidence in her voice,
 "The way I see it, there are only two possible outcomes. Either I make it down there in one piece and I have one hell of a story to tell! Or I burn up in the next ten minutes. Either way, whichever way... no harm, no foul! Because either way, it's going to be one hell of a ride! I'm ready."  
 Her release has allowed her to grab onto a moment by moment trust, ready to experience the risk that accompanies living fully. She almost seems to smile, to laugh, at the sheer impossibility of what she is experiencing. A sense of nervousness is still evident in her, but no longer mingled with the weight of anxiety and dread. She is actually excited! She is an overcomer.
 During this sequence, we see the stunning mess of the ship parts burning up in the atmosphere with the beautiful and serene landscape of earth beneath. The music begins to swell, almost as in a victory theme! Remarkably for the first time in what seems a long time, Mission Control's contact makes it through the radio! Since the first debris storm, Stone has never been able to connect Mission Control. The awful silence on the other end of the line, as well as the awareness of the distance between herself and those who could rescue her, was tremendously disheartening. Along with other machine failures, it was enough to tempt her to end her own life in the spacecraft. They couldn't be reached. And being trapped in space alone was more than she could endure. Yet, the reality was that Mission Control had never given up on pursuing any survivors. Although an audible connection could not be made, they were still intent on doing what they could to come into contact with anyone who might have survived the devastating debris storm. The entire time, there was someone fighting for her life even though she had no evidence of it. 

 This is the same temptation we encounter almost daily. The temptation that pulls us to truly believe that we are not seen, nor heard, nor pursued. Amidst the roaring silence of our inner world and the emptiness of our daily life, we feel more lost than ever. And the only connection we seem to make is the one that shouts, "You are forgotten! No one is with you and no one is coming for you!" It seems truer than anything we have ever heard before. In all the immortal, sovereign glory of the Lord, one would expect Him to "connect" with us in a more efficient way than merely words on a page of a book. Yet, it is precisely the subtlety and smallness of "Christ in you" that resounds in volumes greater than any physical or audible contact would deliver. And Christ in us will always whisper,

  “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you." John 14:18-20

  Like Moses, who "by faith...left Egypt, not being afraid...for he endured as seeing him who is invisible," (Heb 11:27) we can take the step of risking to trust our entire existence on He who is invisible, but incredibly faithful to complete the good work which He began in us (Phil 1:6). Choosing this day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, is the one and only habit we need to learn.  

Christ in me. Immanuel. God with me. He's got this. He has me. All of me. And He is in an eternal pursuit of me that forever defines me as Righteous, Beloved, Treasured, Chosen, Delighted-In, and Strong-as a-Mountain-Shooting-Forth-Branches-And-Yielding-Fruit. 

This risk feels something like insanity. This risk is probably more terrifying than any other major decision we will have to make on earth. Precisely because it is impossibly risky means it will work out for our good. That is the way of the Kingdom of Heaven. 

 In the last minutes of the film, the parachute of the capsule is deployed and slowly falls into a body of water near land. Due to the electrical fire, smoke begins to fill the capsule and although she is now on the safety of planet of earth, must make another attempt to rescue her own life by evacuating the vessel which begins to fill with water. It begins to sink and she is forced to undress from her space shift which immediately begins to drag her deeper into the water. Once free from the suit, she makes her final push to the surface of the water and breathes in her first rush of air. Surrounding her is a pleasant green landscape as she takes in breaths and lays backward upon the water to stare up into the sky. The remnants from the capsule are falling in the distance like heavenly bursts of flames. Everything looks like a dream. She then swims over to the shore nearby and pulls her body, grunting and with some difficulty, onto the soft, red-brown dirt and lays her head onto the earth. It is a tender moment as she laughs, with an ache, and grabs at the moist dirt with her hand and clutches it near her chest. She whispers, "thank you," and attempts to push her body up only to slip again, which brings laughter to herself. Slowly and awkwardly, she rises, lifts her head to take in a view of the sky, and makes her first steps on earth as an overcomer. She very noticeably resembles a new born, fresh out of the womb, awakened to a world in which she had never known existed until then. 

 This one of the most powerful and simple illustrations of rebirth on cinema that I have ever seen! When I say I love Gravity, I mean that I really, really love it. The last moments of this film, when she falls upon the clay dirt, whispers a thank you, stands, looks up at the heavens, and takes her first steps as a transformed soul....all of it makes me feel intensely these very same small actions! Small and simple, but profound in the way we relate to Christ our Savior. This is always the very same response I find myself returning to the Lord when, after the confusion and darkness of seasons in life, I have been awakened to the reality that He still lives, that He makes all things new. Even when I am still in the haze of my own losses and pains, sometimes, sometimes, like a gentle strand of light piercing in through the caverns of my heart, He touches me and I am humbled and I can see. I can see Him for who He is and who I am in the light of His glory. If it meant having to live a lifetime of only loss to be able to partake in that moment of divine revelation and intimate hush, then may I always say, "Yes" to whatsoever and wheresoever He takes me. 

 This is how a soul heals. To surrender to the force, no matter the harshness of its thrust, that attracts us to the center of life, to Life Himself. Elohei HaChayim, the God of the living.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. ~ Galatians 5:1

...he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead... ~ 1 Peter 1:3

..you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God... ~ 1 Peter 1:23

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. ~ 2 Corinthians 3:18

{all images: credit not mine, found via google)