These are words that flowed from me last month. It's somewhat of a streams-of-consciousness type poem. I penned these words after an introspective moment of looking back on the past few years of my life. It's very much a peek into my relationship with the Living Word versus the Bible. I have struggled (mostly since 2014) with reading the Bible because of the lens through which I read it for so long. Even to this very day, I struggle with the words of Scripture, not because I don't believe they are truth but due to the myriad of interpretations and misuse of them that I endured without question for a long time. I felt sad as I reflected on where I am now in relation to the Bible. I don't read it very often and I don't find any passion welling up in me for it. I just want to know how such words meet me in this broken and meandering and frustrating and blessed life. Lord knows I have desired to read the Word as I once did! But I believe His patience covers me now. The reminder that He is the Living Word through the Holy Spirit in me calms my fears. All the systems, rituals, practices, rules, and regulations that once bound me whenever I opened Scripture (and even dictated how and when I should read it) have long since been broken. My faith rests in the reality that He is Living, present and near. Perhaps it is this unshakeable truth that He means to fully restore in me before guiding me along in the "practical application." Maybe all the "doing" and "being" wore down my natural love for this simply glory.
It's been so long
Change has shaped my days
Strikingly
Unrecognizeable
It's been so long
I wonder if this is a life
Age
And decay
I'd say I'm sorry
I'd beg again
Forgiveness to wash me clean
But
You you have me speechless
Because I'm already pure
Words, simply, will not do
To plead
For what already is mine
A laughable thing
It's been so long
Your words are the same
But I,
Evolved
It's been so long
I wonder how such words
Find home
In me
My hands tremble
Hesitant to receive
Fearing that in them
I might seek life again
Though
They are they
Which speak of You
It's been so long
I don't know how to do this
Never have I known
It's been so long
I want to name myself
Ungrateful
Shameful
No.
I'm so far removed
From condemnation
It produces
Nothing
In me now
I will
Reach
With Uncertainty
Faith
That will not fail
Embedded
In the earth
Of Your
Humanity
And
Divinity
All of You
Abiding.
Eternity
Upon flesh and blood.
♥ I pray that the Lord will lead you back to His Word. I think it is good you have gone through this because now when you do return you will have new eyes and a new heart. I think we all go through seasons like this, and they do not last forever. Thinking of you sister, I hope your month is productive with your creative pursuits! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks. It has been a wandering season the past couple years, that's for sure.
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