On humanity, the law, Thanksgiving, identity, and peace.

"All nature seems to weary now, her task is nearly ended..."
 ~ Loreena Mckennit, The Seasons ~

It is a rough adjustment for me when the days grow darker. I begin to lack motivation and inspiration, but I suppose those things shall come to me again in time.

November was a lot of things that I cannot quite find the best adjectives for. It was another busy month, which was fine. Mostly, it was the days and weeks leading up to and following the election that really irritated me. Yes, irritable...that's a perfect word. I was perfectly irritable in the month of Thanksgiving. Sounds quite right, doesn't it? I should have just avoided social media and all news for the entire month. There was a lot of noise in the world concerning the election. All the fuss and nonsense of this world, once again, convinced me that I just never ever belonged to this world to begin with (well, by the "world" I mean the spirit or sense of being and thinking that is currently within mankind on a whole). I have always been an outsider in terms of popular opinion and the ways of the masses, but this election certainly revealed how much more of an outsider I am than I ever realized. I have a mess of conflicted emotions and thoughts about this country and the embarrassment that made up the entirety of both Clinton and Trump's campaigns and their followers. Nevertheless, I am not gonna waste space sharing my opinion about any of those things because it truly is a vain endeavor to do so. However, there is one area that I have thought quite a lot about since the election. It is the whole ongoing topic of inclusion. You know, it's a popular word that's thrown around quite a lot these days. The original definition of the world is pretty simple and general, but I fear that this word is being redefined by the media and the masses of our country to meet the needs of only select groups of people. After the election, due to the violence and hate seen across our country and social media outlets, there was an obvious counter movement against it. Clashing against the strong hate and opposition were messages of love, kindness, gentleness, and the whole nine yards of all the gushy sweet stuff ever to be imagined. The violence and hate were shocking and frightening to me, but I found the messages of love rather irritating. For a couple of weeks I stewed inwardly over this. Of course I believe in and desire peace, love, kindness, etc! Why would I become so aggravated by such messages? I just couldn't grasp what I was feeling. So, being a feeler, I let all the emotions just flow. I have grown accustomed to my own inner world enough to know that an objective, rational view point will come once my emotions are allowed space to just be.The irritability turned into anger and the anger then resolved into its true form: fear.

 Everyone and everything in this world will shout and kick and scream for peace and love and equality for all except when there are individuals who disagree or individuals who hold a radically opposite lifestyle and belief system from what the world only wants to accept. The 20th century brought incredible changes for people of different lifestyles, skin colors, religions, etc. It is a good and wonderful thing that everyone gets to live freely as they choose and to be whoever they are and still hold the equal and unalienable rights as anyone else. However, while changes can be made to protect the lives of all, changes cannot be enforced upon human hearts. Prejudice, animosity, and resentment. It's a human reality. And it's a reality that has to be accepted to some extent. I am not being a Negative Nancy, I am just putting a reality check out there for any who might still be denying this.

One of the core reasons why the topic of inclusion and messages pushing for kindness, acceptance, and love towards all angers me is because, deep down, I fear the truth. And the truth is that global peace and love will never exist in this imperfect world. To be quite frank, this world will tenaciously fight to support the rights and freedoms of different races, religions, genders, and the sexual preferences of all except the person(s) that says he/she believes Jesus Christ is the only way, the truth, and the life. In my heart, I know that no matter how many special privileges and rights everyone else gets, there could very well be a day where I am denied all those things because there is only One who I identify my whole being with. And it just so happens that talk of Christ is pretty darn offensive to all. I am not gonna jump the gun and say that day is drawing near or dramatically predict persecution. I am not talking about the extremes just yet. I am just voicing, generally, that the same people that protect the rights of others aren't gonna be there to protect my rights if the time ever came for such a need. It's true, you know.

When I see posts and hashtags on social media for peace and love, I get irritated because peace and love cannot be asked for. They cannot be demanded for. And they most certainly cannot be enforced! I realize that I might be taking this a little too far. I know many just want to put those messages out there to remind others, not to force it from them. I realize that and I am not against the reminders. I am speaking rather generally about this. I am not pin-pointing or accusing anyone of this. I am more addressing the sad fact (reality check, people!) that such messages can and will and are being used to enforce others to practice love, kindness, and peace towards all. These virtues are becoming something of a Law these days. This is where the definition of love, peace, and kindness is starting to become muddled. You see, once upon a time, mankind got hooked on laws and began his love affair with government to enforce them . Laws create order and are really useful for the nitty-gritty details of human life. Back in yonder days of old (hehe!), Laws were pretty cruel. They didn't protect people, but instead were, most often, oppressive. Fast forward to the western world of the 20th and, now, 21st centuries. Wow, lookie lookie...mankind finally got on to certain amount of equality and fairness. Now oppression is fought against so that all can have the same shared voice. However, I fear the tides might be (might be! Who am I kidding? They have already and, no doubt, will continue to) turning into the opposite extreme. Now, there are things called "hate crimes." While I wholeheartedly agree that violence of any kind against any person cannot be accepted or tolerated, I do not agree that merely voicing disagreement towards someone or having a radical or differing opinion of others is considered a hate crime. But this is the way the world is turning. While hate crimes are currently defined as an act of violence motivated by racial/sexual prejudice, there is no doubt that, over time, it will (already has in small ways) become a more generalized definition to extend towards anyone who merely (even peaceably!) disagrees with the lifestyle of another. To love all, to be at peace with all, to be kind towards all is becoming redefined as not ever voicing the slightest hint of disagreement, contrary opinion, or opposing belief-system towards those selected for special rights and privileges. Yet, in the same breath, those same voices will say, "yes, equality for all!" But actions speak louder than words. Inclusion, by the world's definition, is really only inclusion for some and not for all because true inclusion would mean having to accept others that don't agree with you or maybe hold a belief system that is different or (gasp!) offensive to your own feelings and thoughts. These days, everything just seems very, very conditional.

Love is now the Law and you must, you should, you ought...!



The surefire way to get the opposite of what you want is to demand and enforce what you want.



I am not sure about you, but when I am told and forced to accept someone, to love them, and to get along, I actually want to do the opposite. That kind of attitude and spirit just incites rebellion in me! To be honest, having to read all over social media that "we need to love" or "be kind" or "be this" or "be that," brought about an eruption of anger, rebellion, and anti-everything and anti-everyone in me. This might shock some readers, which I am totally okay with. I am human. Just because I am a born-again Christian doesn't mean I never feel anger, rebellion, and dislike. Last I checked, I am still flesh and blood. And I certainly do not want to be told how to be. To be told that I need to be loving smells like the foul beginnings of the Law at work. Oh, good intentions are behind it all, I am sure. But good intentions aren't enough. And if anyone would love a detailed look at the spirit of the Law, read the entire book of Romans. The Law today looks different, but it's the exact same spirit.

So, in summary, I am not an advocate for that kind of inclusion, love, kindness, or peace. Those are warped definitions.

As one who claims Christ as the only way, the truth, the life, I am aware and accept that there are and will be others who may hold their prejudices or hostility towards me, perhaps from assuming that I am like others of the Christian belief who have been harsh or judgemental towards them. I get it. I have the "unpopular religion." But I do hope that as much as I strive to extend mutual acceptance and understanding, that others will also give the same to me. Also, another reality check (gasp!), judgements are a natural part of being human. Yes, many times judgements are irrational and unfair, but hey, that is part of the human journey and we all grow in humility at our own pace (sometimes later rather than sooner, unfortunately).

So maybe we should all just accept each other at where we are at in our human journey, whether it looks offensive and ugly or not?

A nice thought, but probably never gonna happen. Mankind is predictable and mankind loves to stay on repeat. Quite frankly, this is really what I need to accept.

As one who identifies with Christ alone, I strive to be peaceable towards all, to treat others with a gentle kindness and with an enduring love for humanity because no matter how far we have fallen, the original blueprint in every human being is that every man and woman was made in the image of God. I also strive for honesty and truth that will not be watered down, but will seek to administer such opinions or truth with gentleness and zero hostility.

So, this past Thanksgiving I wanted to reflect on the really basic, eternal things that I am thankful for. To be human and to live in a human world means there will be change, decay, inconsistency, and instability. I can't set my joy purely in the things that are fading away.

I am thankful to be free of the the Law, from all the shapes and forms that it takes. I am thankful that my identity as a child of God is eternally sealed, made in His image, born again with a new heart and mind by the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the working of the Holy Spirit in me. I am thankful to be free to Love unconditionally (with the growth, patience, and time that, that takes as a new creation to show). I am thankful that my hope and my future does not hinge upon Hilary Clinton or Donald Trump or any ruler for that matter. I am thankful that this one life I have been given is not my own - I am free from having to demand my way or my wants because I can now choose to trust in Him who so cares for me, in trials, sickness, blessing, and more.

So, blah blah, my opinion, my thoughts, my stance. I know these words are like one star among all the billions. Most of the time, I just keep my thoughts to myself on the internet. But, since this is my blog, I might as well as be me every now and then. ;-P

Finally, photos! Some of them are from earlier in the month when Nolan and I took a short hike, some every day shots, and then some snapshots from Thanksgiving with Nolan's family. I meant to take more photos, but most of the time I am just lazy.

The morning after the November supermoon event!

Walk away for one minute and the kitty claims your seat!

You can tell my husband is a fan of photos, right?

 





















And I close on a personal note regarding my chronic pain journey.

I have been going to physical therapy since April for major chronic pain issues in my thoracic spine area, left shoulder blade and upper shoulder, and neck. This journey has been intense. Relief, then return of pain, then relief, then pain. Emotions sailing high and low. Thoughts spiraling, thoughts normalizing. I am significantly recovered from the state I was in when I first started attending physical therapy. For once, I don't feel totally trapped in a cage of restricted, tight muscles and throbbing pain and misalignment. I actually have my posture back! Never did I realize how wonderful it felt to sit up straight naturally instead of constantly fighting to hold myself up. I still have many more days of therapy to go. It's taking longer than I had planned or wanted. These sessions take a big portion out of my hard-earned checks. I recently felt the dagger of self-inflicted guilt when I began to really put the pieces together and understand the cause of my chronic pain. It's humiliating, really. I thought my chronic pain was due to haywire hormones and a gut imbalance. For so long, I wanted to believe I was the victim of my own body doing its own thing because of the stress of life. But in truth, I did this. I brought about my own battle with physical pain by the many poor, irrational, and devastating choices I made in 2014/early 2015 when I lost all sense of who I was. I did some specific (unintentionally!) harmful things to myself during that season. That year truly did bring about a crisis of identity in me. Brought on by the divorce of my parents, the harsh realities of moving to a new city, and leaving behind all that was familiar and comfortable, I lost myself. 2014 was the year when the me that I knew, the me that I made up, was torn down. The person I am now is not who I was just 2 to 3 years ago. I have faced massive challenges in every aspect of my being and I pray that I am a better person because of all this. I pray that I am now becoming who I was always meant to be because of these trials. All this pain, this awful amount of both physical and heart-wrenching pain, has broken my inward Spirit again and again. For so long, I have resented these words spoken by Charles Spurgeon: "I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages." I have battled hard with God (still do, sometimes) about so many things, about who He is, about who I am. Slowly, I am emerging from that spirit of conflict and fighting into one that rests and waits and trusts. The ability to rest, wait, and trust emerges from that awareness of who the Lord is, who He truly is, not who others or myself have described Him as. And it emerges from a renewed awareness of my own identity. My identity - no longer linked to family members, my husband, friends, or my accomplishments, talents, or my physical state, or even my emotional being. My identity, now sealed into something unchangeable. I am Abba's child. I am the beloved of the Father, the fruits of which may not yet fully be revealed, but are slowly growing into place. There is a stillness and steadiness in this. How can there be such peace in so much that is not made whole or made right? How can an invisible, unknown God be seen and known? How can I know belonging and certainty in the aloneness and the unmerciful changes of time?

Could It Be?
Michael Card
In the ebb and flow of living
As we wander through the years
We're told to listen to a voice
We can't hear with our ears

They say to live by something
That you can't see with your eyes
Is there really any purpose
To this foolish exercise?

Could it be, You make Your presence known
So often by Your absence?
Could it be that questions tell us more
Than answers ever do?

Could it be that You would really rather
die
Than live without us?
Could it be the only answer that means
anything
Is You?

In our words and in our silence
In our pride and in our shame
To the genius and the scholar
To the foolish and insane

To the ones who care to seek You
To the ones who never will
You are the only answer even still

Could it be, You make Your presence known
So often by Your absence?
Could it be that questions tell us more
Than answers ever do?

Could it be that You would really rather
die
Than live without us?
Could it be the only answer that means
anything
Is You?

It's a question you can't answer
An answer you cannot express
That the gentle Man of Sorrow
Is the source of happiness

You'll never solve the mystery
Of this magnetic man
For you must believe to understand

Could it be, You make Your presence known
So often by Your absence?
Could it be that questions tell us more
Than answers ever do?

Could it be that You would really rather
die
Than live without us?
Could it be the only answer that means
anything
Is You?

Could it be the only answer that means
anything
Is You?