February came and went. 28 short days.
My February this year was filled with every emotion in the book. All that is lovely and all that is messy. It's my birth month. My wedding anniversary. Golden memories.
Now February holds a new anniversary...my first ever trip to the emergency room.
I hope others catch my sarcasm when I talk about spending the week of my 26th birthday in the E.R.
Panic and anxiety attacks are not something to make light of, I know. One day, I will see how unfounded my fears and worries of this season have been. One day.
In this season of my life, there have been present cares and anxieties intermingled with the precious memories.
Just let it be. Let it be.
That's what I am learning. Letting all that is not okay, not pretty, and not happy just settle down into my day and coexist with the things that once were. The transition from 25 to 26 has been challenging, painful, and heartbreaking, and yet filled with more grace than I ever thought was possible. Amazing grace how sweet the sound! The grace of Christ is larger and sweeter than I have ever know before. All of me is broken, unstable, and fading. I am not always mentally well. My body hasn't worked the same ever since it was plagued by chronic stress and heartbreaks. My heart is often downcast. Yet my soul feels closer to heaven - to the Home that I am traveling to - the arms of my Abba. Whatever my 26th year brings, may His grace abound evermore.
The losers, the ones lost in the labyrinth of life, lost wandering in
the maze of life, are the ones made amazing – by the One who solves the
mazes of life.
You don’t need higher self-esteem.
You need greater self-grace — that comes from the depths of His grace.
Amazing grace in your self-talk — makes everything amazing.
And it all comes round like a circle — His grace that you accept for
yourself — is the same grace you then extend to others — which then
graciously circles back to you.
// Ann Voskamp //
I don't have this grace thing down very well. For years I was a nazi, a triumphant soldier of legalism. Judging, always judging. Always quick to point out all that was "less than" and "not enough" - in others and in myself. I was attracted to ministries, groups, books, and sermons that pushed, pushed, pushed. More, more, more.
When I say that I have changed, I sincerely mean it. Only God and myself know the drastic transformation that has fully occurred in my thought-habits and my heart.
Before, I wanted to talk about the "deeper, victorious Christian life" and all the self-denying paths we must walk to get closer to God and experience deeper intimacy with Him.
Nowadays, I want to talk about Grace and how that is drawing me more intimately to Him even when my thoughts, behavior, and actions rarely reflect a "sold-out" and "victorious" Christian. Grace, so freeing and comforting. Grace. It makes me feel safe and honest with my Jesus.
So, to end another monthly post...I am sharing my favorite snapshots from this past month. I am still learning the ins and outs of my DSLR [and editing!] and it frustrates me because I want to be "better" at it, but even in photography...I find Grace.
I have an unofficial tradition of putting on my wedding dress every anniversary and taking pretty pictures. I need pretty. Like, all the time. My husband doesn't get it. That's okay. ^_^