Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The first weeks of December

This Wednesday will mark 3 weeks since we packed up a 20 foot U-Haul truck and drove 9 hours to the city of Albuquerque. Upon reaching our destination, we immediately drove up the day after to spend Thanksgiving with my husband's parents who live about a couple hours from here. Their home is my second home. His parents are so hospitable and giving; I once told my sister that I feel like a princess every time I visit them. More than ever, I felt thirsty for their company and the warmth of their home. Just a little taste of normal in the midst of a rather eventful year. These first few photos were taken on a walk near where they live. On a dreary, overcast day, the landscape reminded me of the English countryside.

  Less than a week later, I awoke to experience my first snow in Albuquerque. My melancholy-prone spirit could not help but revel in the beautiful dreary morning. It was almost as if the snow came to put everything to rest, to say that the day was complete before it had begun. And that is how I felt.

If there is any word that summarizes where I sense my life is moving it is rest.For the very first time in several years, I believe this is my opportunity to begin exploring this unearthly reality. Resting in the reality of the Gospel that it is done, it is finished. This is an aspect to my faith, my life in Christ, that I have yet to know how to live out in some of the harsh realities of life. I am determined to know it, more now than ever before. There is an innermost region of my soul that has been shaken by the crumbling of my own bloodline, my family. And if there is anything or anyone that can tear down one's own inner-world, it is the choices, the words, the attitudes of one's own kin.

 I took up my journal again upon moving to our new place.

There has been a confusion, an emptiness, in my days that I cannot place.It refuses to be caught and pinned down and figured out. Writing is the only medium I know how to "keep up" with it.So, I journal. I journal everything, with no thought that I may one day regret writing these things because today demands that I do it, or else I drown in this confusing emptiness that I cannot even reach inside to grasp.

My husband is an explorer, an adventure. All I know how to do is to keep following him, wherever it may take me. I have known he has been a role in my healing since that warm February day on top of the dusty red buttes at Papago Park almost two years ago. He was sent to me for this purpose and he keeps my head above the water and shows me how to continue swimming.

So, my explorer takes me places and we learn to enjoy the simple things.

He drove me to old-town Albuquerque on a night of Christmas festivities. Lights, local musicians, dancers, and quaint little shops! I was taking it all in as we strolled along, sipping hot chocolate in the frigid air.

On a day when nearly every local shop was close, he drove me into the mountains where I made a snow angel and snapped photos on my phone.

On another cold evening, he took me to see a free concert of Shane & Shane and Paul Wickham.

Then, we awoke bright and early on a Sunday morning to meet up with a friend and watch The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.

 We have yet to settle into our new place. There are items still to be unpacked and furniture to be situated. I don't imagine I will experience the satisfaction of being settled until after the new year. At this moment, I feel slow at tackling anything on my to-do list. And, while I truly adore talking to friends and family via Skype, even that has felt like "too much" lately. There are people I have yet to connect with since moving and I don't know how to carve out time in my days for them. Perhaps, all this exhaustion and slowing down is there to show me that I do need time for myself. Not in a self-absorbed sense, but to truly allow myself to be free in pursuing lots of quiet at the moment without the burdens I place on myself to stay constantly connected with everyone I know. I love the feeling of remaining connected to the people in my life, but I know I miss something when I prioritize them over my time to rest in Christ. I keep myself well distracted from resting and I think this terrible habit needs to stop.

In all simplicity, all my longing is to learn how to love life and breathe again.

Albuerquerque...city of the hot air balloon. I look forward to their balloon fiesta next October!


  1. I respect you for writing these words! Solitude brings life and vitality to art. So glad youre feeling at home in your new place, and journal. I'm making friends in a way with my journal again. This whole post is coming from a very wise place.

    Wishing you a joyous Christmas season!

  2. Thank you, Jade. I am always thankful for your words. I find myself a bit nervous about prolonged solitude because of the way I tend to become self-absorbed in it, but I sense I do really need to make it an intentional time of prayer and time in Abba's presence. :)
    Many Christmas blessings to you!

  3. It's so awesome to meet another sister in Christ. You are such a good writer, and I'm glad that you're journaling. I have piles of journals I've written in over the years, and it's funny to go back and read them sometimes, but it's also really neat, because I see how the Lord has shaped me and moved me in my life. Sometimes even more than I realized. We serve a great God!

    1. Thank you, Alyssa, for your comment and for visiting my page. I am glad to meet another sister in Christ, too! Blogger is so awesome for that reason. :) That is sweet about your journaling bringing you closer to the Lord. It truly is amazing to SEE that progress in ourselves, something which we just can't always see at the time we are writing it. But He truly does transform us in all things! :)

  4. Somehow I missed this beautiful post! I love it! It filled my heart with joy for you and your future. Though I miss you terribly hehe. I love the pictures too! Keep taking photos and sharing your life. Love you!